I was up last night watching the Cavs/Magic game and on Comedy Central was the roast of Bob Saget is an extremely underrated comedian. Because of his roles on Full House and America's Funniest Home Video, Saget gets pegged wrong. He isn't this clean cut, children's comedian. Saget is raw and dirty and very, very funny. If you get a chance sometime, check out Saget's HBO Special That Ain't Right. Saget is also very funny in Farce of the Penguins and various other movies where he makes hilarious cameos.
Anyway, seeing Saget made me think of a very funny movie that I saw a couple of years ago that I wanted to recommend. The movies is called The Aristocrats. The movie is a documentary of a series of over 100 comedians telling the same joke. It is a joke told by comedians to other comedians. The outline of the joke is that a man goes into an agent's office and says he has a family act. he then either acts out or describes the most obscene acts possible. The stunned agent says, "And what do you call yourselves?" and the man answers, "The Aristocrats." Penn Jillette produced the movie as a documentary on the joke. It is a joke that every comedian tells, but never on stage, just to other comedians. Now, by itself that really doesn't seem that funny, but it is one of the top five funniest things that I have ever seen. It is watching each comedian tell their version of the joke that is so funny. I have never laughed so hard.
The best part of the movie is the cast. It isn't just a few lower comedians telling the joke. The following are just a few that tell their version of the joke in the movie: Jason Alexander, Hank Azaria, Lewis Black, Drew Carey, George Carlin, Carrie Fisher, Gilbert Gottfied, Eric Idle, Richard Jeni, Richard Lewis, Bill Maher, Howie Mandel, Kevin Nealon, Penn Jillette, Trey Parker, Kevin Pollak, Paul Reiser, Don Rickles, Chris Rock, Bob Saget, Sarah Silverman, Jon Stewart, and Robin Williams just to name a few. For what it is worth, in my opinion, the funniest were Richard Lewis, Penn Jillette, Bob Saget, Sarah Silverman, and the best was Gilbery Gottfied (I am not a Gottfied fan, but I could even sit down while I watching him).
Anyway, if you get a chance and want to watch something really funny, go out and find The Aristocrats. I haven't seen anything funnier since I watched it a few years ago and could watch it 50 times and laugh harder every time. It is completely worth it.
Friday, May 29, 2009
Wednesday, May 27, 2009
Observations of the NBA Playoffs
I have followed the NBA Playoffs pretty closely this year and I was watching the Cavs/Magic game last night and I had a few thoughts come to mind, so I thought I would share...
...this is the worst playoff officiating I have seen in any major sport playoffs, including college. I don't know what the NBA has done to these refs, but they have just been bad. No one team can complain that they lost a game because of an official, because they have been equally bad for every game. It isn't that they are making awful calls, it is that they are extremely inconsistent. They let the big guys kill each other underneath and then they call weenie reaching calls out front. Nobody out there can figure out how to play. One minute they are letting the guys play and the next everything is a foul. They really need to shape up before they truly cost someone a game and a shot at the championship.
...nobody can win one alone, not now, not ever. Okay, so some would say that Jordan won alone, but that is garbage. Pippen is a HOFer and Paxton and Kerr were the ultimate role players. Jordan was the closest to winning one alone, but other take him out of the equation and no other superstar has even come close. Kobe won with Shaq, Duncan had Robinson and then Parker, Shaw had Kobe and Wade, Garrnet had Peirce and Allen, Magic had Kareem and company, Bird had Parrish and company, and the Pistons have always been a team effort. So this does not bode well for LeBron and Kobe. Kobe at least has some help, but where have those guys been and LeBron is just out there on a mountain by himself.
...speaking of LeBron, I think that this is probably it for him in Cleveland. He will be there next year, but I don't think that he will stay after that unless they help him out a little. There is no reason that he shouldn't be winning championship after championship expect he doesn't have any help. I hope that he doesn't go after the money and put himself in the same situation, because the money will be there, but he goes somewhere to win.
...no disrespect to the best coach of all time, but Phil Jackson has done his worst coaching job ever in these playoffs. I believe that Phil has done his best coaching job over the last two season, but something is not clicking right for him in these playoffs. He changes schemes every game and for some reason refuses to let guys play when they have the hot hand. It just seems like he is lost over there and that is really not like him. I hope he figures it out before it is too late.
...speaking of bad coaching, Mike Brown gets the award for the worst of the playoffs. What was Brown thinking putting Ben Wallace on Rashard Lewis at the end of regulation. Ben Wallace. They guy can't even move out there and Brown puts him on the best score on the Magic. What could he have been thinking. Brown gets credit for that loss.
...speaking of that loss, I learned last night that LeBron isn't ready yet. He is probably the best player in the game and is the most physically gifted player of all time, but he isn't quite ready yet. If you want your name mentioned with Jodran, Magic, Bird, West, Kobe, etc then you cannot miss two big free throws in the fourth quarter and you certainly cannot have six turnovers in the fourth and overtime. Put the ball in your hands and win the game. Now I know he doesn't have much help and that is all the reason more to put the ball in your hands. When he does he is amazing, but he has to take over and not make those mistakes. Also, again with all respect to LeBron, and it could have just been last night, but he doesn't seem to have that drive or determination that Jordan and company had. Nobody wanted to win more than Jordan and I just don't see that on LeBron. He is still the best player, but if the game is on the line, and I don't mean last shot, I mean closing the game out, he needs to shape up.
...if you follow the comments on this blog you will see that there was a comment made in disrespect to Robert Horry. There is no doubt that if I had a gun held to my head and my life depended on one shot that I would pick up the phone and call Big Shot Bob. No doubt. If the game is on the line, Horry could not have played for three weeks straight, pick up the ball and nail a three. So please, if you don't like what I say fine, but don't show any disrespect to Big Shot Bob, the man is a living legend.
...finally, I want the NBA executives that read my blog to imagine something for me, and the rest of you can join in. It is Game Six of the NBA Finals between the Lakers and the Magic. The Lakers are up three games to two. There are three minutes left in the game and the Magic are up by four. Kobe has decided to take over and pull the Lakers back into the game. Kobe steals the ball from Lewis and heads toward the basket. Not wanting to give Kobe and easy two points, Dwight Howard steps in and knocks Kobe down. The two guys get up and exchange words in a very tense situation. To ease the situation, the refs hit them with a double technical. No big deal, no free throws are taken. Kobe does all he can, but the Magic pull it out and they are headed to Game Seven. Game Seven is getting ready to start and everyone in the Staples Center is pumped. Jack is there along with Spike Lee, Tom Cruise, Andy Garcia, etc. This is what the NBA is wanting, and it will be the highest ratings game of the year. The tip is thrown up and the epic battle begins.
...oh wait, did I forget to mention that Kobe Bryant and Dwight Howard were both wearing suits and ties because they were suspended for Game Seven because of the NBA's rule for seven technicals in the playoffs. Give me a break. Something inside of me, though I am a Lakers fan, really wants this to happen to the NBA. They deserve something like this for creating such a stupid ass rule. I think that if this happens that the NBA executives should all line up and Jack and Spike Lee get to punch them all in the groin before the game starts. Of course, it never would happen, because I am sure the NBA would rescind the technicals and let Kobe and Howard play, which would make them look even worse. Would they do the same for Luke Walton and Rafer Alson? I am completely feed up with the NBA and all of there stupid rules. These guys are idiots. Let the players play and what happens happens. Stop with all of the silly rules that make you feel like you have some control over your league. (UPDATE: 3:50 pm--The NBA just rescinded Howard's technical from last night. I agree with the decision, but it isn't one that they should even have to make. What a pitful disgrace)
...this is the worst playoff officiating I have seen in any major sport playoffs, including college. I don't know what the NBA has done to these refs, but they have just been bad. No one team can complain that they lost a game because of an official, because they have been equally bad for every game. It isn't that they are making awful calls, it is that they are extremely inconsistent. They let the big guys kill each other underneath and then they call weenie reaching calls out front. Nobody out there can figure out how to play. One minute they are letting the guys play and the next everything is a foul. They really need to shape up before they truly cost someone a game and a shot at the championship.
...nobody can win one alone, not now, not ever. Okay, so some would say that Jordan won alone, but that is garbage. Pippen is a HOFer and Paxton and Kerr were the ultimate role players. Jordan was the closest to winning one alone, but other take him out of the equation and no other superstar has even come close. Kobe won with Shaq, Duncan had Robinson and then Parker, Shaw had Kobe and Wade, Garrnet had Peirce and Allen, Magic had Kareem and company, Bird had Parrish and company, and the Pistons have always been a team effort. So this does not bode well for LeBron and Kobe. Kobe at least has some help, but where have those guys been and LeBron is just out there on a mountain by himself.
...speaking of LeBron, I think that this is probably it for him in Cleveland. He will be there next year, but I don't think that he will stay after that unless they help him out a little. There is no reason that he shouldn't be winning championship after championship expect he doesn't have any help. I hope that he doesn't go after the money and put himself in the same situation, because the money will be there, but he goes somewhere to win.
...no disrespect to the best coach of all time, but Phil Jackson has done his worst coaching job ever in these playoffs. I believe that Phil has done his best coaching job over the last two season, but something is not clicking right for him in these playoffs. He changes schemes every game and for some reason refuses to let guys play when they have the hot hand. It just seems like he is lost over there and that is really not like him. I hope he figures it out before it is too late.
...speaking of bad coaching, Mike Brown gets the award for the worst of the playoffs. What was Brown thinking putting Ben Wallace on Rashard Lewis at the end of regulation. Ben Wallace. They guy can't even move out there and Brown puts him on the best score on the Magic. What could he have been thinking. Brown gets credit for that loss.
...speaking of that loss, I learned last night that LeBron isn't ready yet. He is probably the best player in the game and is the most physically gifted player of all time, but he isn't quite ready yet. If you want your name mentioned with Jodran, Magic, Bird, West, Kobe, etc then you cannot miss two big free throws in the fourth quarter and you certainly cannot have six turnovers in the fourth and overtime. Put the ball in your hands and win the game. Now I know he doesn't have much help and that is all the reason more to put the ball in your hands. When he does he is amazing, but he has to take over and not make those mistakes. Also, again with all respect to LeBron, and it could have just been last night, but he doesn't seem to have that drive or determination that Jordan and company had. Nobody wanted to win more than Jordan and I just don't see that on LeBron. He is still the best player, but if the game is on the line, and I don't mean last shot, I mean closing the game out, he needs to shape up.
...if you follow the comments on this blog you will see that there was a comment made in disrespect to Robert Horry. There is no doubt that if I had a gun held to my head and my life depended on one shot that I would pick up the phone and call Big Shot Bob. No doubt. If the game is on the line, Horry could not have played for three weeks straight, pick up the ball and nail a three. So please, if you don't like what I say fine, but don't show any disrespect to Big Shot Bob, the man is a living legend.
...finally, I want the NBA executives that read my blog to imagine something for me, and the rest of you can join in. It is Game Six of the NBA Finals between the Lakers and the Magic. The Lakers are up three games to two. There are three minutes left in the game and the Magic are up by four. Kobe has decided to take over and pull the Lakers back into the game. Kobe steals the ball from Lewis and heads toward the basket. Not wanting to give Kobe and easy two points, Dwight Howard steps in and knocks Kobe down. The two guys get up and exchange words in a very tense situation. To ease the situation, the refs hit them with a double technical. No big deal, no free throws are taken. Kobe does all he can, but the Magic pull it out and they are headed to Game Seven. Game Seven is getting ready to start and everyone in the Staples Center is pumped. Jack is there along with Spike Lee, Tom Cruise, Andy Garcia, etc. This is what the NBA is wanting, and it will be the highest ratings game of the year. The tip is thrown up and the epic battle begins.
...oh wait, did I forget to mention that Kobe Bryant and Dwight Howard were both wearing suits and ties because they were suspended for Game Seven because of the NBA's rule for seven technicals in the playoffs. Give me a break. Something inside of me, though I am a Lakers fan, really wants this to happen to the NBA. They deserve something like this for creating such a stupid ass rule. I think that if this happens that the NBA executives should all line up and Jack and Spike Lee get to punch them all in the groin before the game starts. Of course, it never would happen, because I am sure the NBA would rescind the technicals and let Kobe and Howard play, which would make them look even worse. Would they do the same for Luke Walton and Rafer Alson? I am completely feed up with the NBA and all of there stupid rules. These guys are idiots. Let the players play and what happens happens. Stop with all of the silly rules that make you feel like you have some control over your league. (UPDATE: 3:50 pm--The NBA just rescinded Howard's technical from last night. I agree with the decision, but it isn't one that they should even have to make. What a pitful disgrace)
Thursday, May 21, 2009
Random Thoughts
No topic for this blog, expect just some random, non sequential thoughts about things...
...I hate interleague baseball play...it ruins fantasy stats and it is just pointless...so please stop this mess
...how is it that a Major League baseball player could actually miss a base, more or less miss third base while trying to score the go ahead...i once missed a base (maybe two) when I was nine years old
...by the way, you can now do mock fantasy football drafts on espn.com...only about four months before the season
...i am anti-no trade clauses in major sports
...let Mick Vick play football...i despise what he did and am glad he served time but he has served his time and now should be allowed to make a living...dan synder anyone
...just to make it clear...i don't care who won idol
...but...drumroll please...season premiere of So You Think You Can Dance starts tonight...get your dvr ready
...Team A has an ERA of 3.67, a BA of .299, a run differential of +62...Team B has an ETA of 3.71, a BA of .248 and a run differential of +23...Team A and Team B have the same record in my fantasy simulation league...that is horseshit
...i have taken up gardening a little bit...just thought you would like to know
...the Black Mamba will score 40+ again tonight and the Lakers will win
...just close down Guantanamo Prison and lets take George Carlin's advise on create state prison farms please
...special thanks to the President and Congress for helping people out a little when dealing with the sneaking credit card companies...it is about time
...my wife claims that the new Terminator movie is the first movie to be both a prequel and a sequel...i don't see how that is possible but I am not going to argue with her...anyone have an opinion
...I wish I could dunk like Dwight Howard...he broke the basket last night
...speaking of which...I have said all a long that the Magic are the best in the East but I still want that Kobe v. LeBron finals to shut everyone up...though I agree with an article written by J.A. Adande that the match up between Kobe and Melo is more exciting to watch than Kobe and LeBron would be
...speaking of match ups...the best may turn out to be Obama v. Cheney...in a battle of wits, intelligence, or anything that matters I take Obama...steel cage match...I would take Cheney...cause he would be the guy to bring in a weapon he shouldn't have...a la Man Kind
...another great match up is brewing between political blogs in West Virginia...in one corner you have West Virginia Blue for Democrats...in the other corner you have West Virginia Red for Republican...in a match up between them...they would both lose because neither of them are any good or make any sense...you know a la freeze frame at the end of Rocky III
...apparently my Outlook calender is broke because I missed my invitation to the Billionaire meeting yesterday with Ophra, Gates, Buffet, and Bloomburg
...he gets some credit but not nearly enough so please check out Nate Silver's blog...http://www.fivethirtyeight.com/
...I am thrilled that Scrubs will be back next season and the main stars will be in six episodes to transition the show...to what I have no idea
..."to what I have no idea" makes me think of the classic scene in Back to School between Rodney Dangerfield and Sam Kinison...the final line of one of the funniest scenes in movie history is "...good teacher...he really seems to care...about what I have no idea"
...the new season of Next Food Network Star starts the first week in June...just and fyi
...a new movie networking site that was helped launched by Martin Scoresese is pretty nice...http://www.theauteurs.com/home...they have free movies and forums...pretty fun
Maybe I will add some more later...
...I hate interleague baseball play...it ruins fantasy stats and it is just pointless...so please stop this mess
...how is it that a Major League baseball player could actually miss a base, more or less miss third base while trying to score the go ahead...i once missed a base (maybe two) when I was nine years old
...by the way, you can now do mock fantasy football drafts on espn.com...only about four months before the season
...i am anti-no trade clauses in major sports
...let Mick Vick play football...i despise what he did and am glad he served time but he has served his time and now should be allowed to make a living...dan synder anyone
...just to make it clear...i don't care who won idol
...but...drumroll please...season premiere of So You Think You Can Dance starts tonight...get your dvr ready
...Team A has an ERA of 3.67, a BA of .299, a run differential of +62...Team B has an ETA of 3.71, a BA of .248 and a run differential of +23...Team A and Team B have the same record in my fantasy simulation league...that is horseshit
...i have taken up gardening a little bit...just thought you would like to know
...the Black Mamba will score 40+ again tonight and the Lakers will win
...just close down Guantanamo Prison and lets take George Carlin's advise on create state prison farms please
...special thanks to the President and Congress for helping people out a little when dealing with the sneaking credit card companies...it is about time
...my wife claims that the new Terminator movie is the first movie to be both a prequel and a sequel...i don't see how that is possible but I am not going to argue with her...anyone have an opinion
...I wish I could dunk like Dwight Howard...he broke the basket last night
...speaking of which...I have said all a long that the Magic are the best in the East but I still want that Kobe v. LeBron finals to shut everyone up...though I agree with an article written by J.A. Adande that the match up between Kobe and Melo is more exciting to watch than Kobe and LeBron would be
...speaking of match ups...the best may turn out to be Obama v. Cheney...in a battle of wits, intelligence, or anything that matters I take Obama...steel cage match...I would take Cheney...cause he would be the guy to bring in a weapon he shouldn't have...a la Man Kind
...another great match up is brewing between political blogs in West Virginia...in one corner you have West Virginia Blue for Democrats...in the other corner you have West Virginia Red for Republican...in a match up between them...they would both lose because neither of them are any good or make any sense...you know a la freeze frame at the end of Rocky III
...apparently my Outlook calender is broke because I missed my invitation to the Billionaire meeting yesterday with Ophra, Gates, Buffet, and Bloomburg
...he gets some credit but not nearly enough so please check out Nate Silver's blog...http://www.fivethirtyeight.com/
...I am thrilled that Scrubs will be back next season and the main stars will be in six episodes to transition the show...to what I have no idea
..."to what I have no idea" makes me think of the classic scene in Back to School between Rodney Dangerfield and Sam Kinison...the final line of one of the funniest scenes in movie history is "...good teacher...he really seems to care...about what I have no idea"
...the new season of Next Food Network Star starts the first week in June...just and fyi
...a new movie networking site that was helped launched by Martin Scoresese is pretty nice...http://www.theauteurs.com/home...they have free movies and forums...pretty fun
Maybe I will add some more later...
Wednesday, May 20, 2009
Yet Another Reason
I was watching the Lakers/Nuggets game last night and I learned yet another reason why I never got to play in the NBA. First, it is important to go over some of the previous reasons that have prevented me from playing professional basketball.
I am a six foot, two inch white guy who can't jump. I have a decent, but inconsistent jump shot and never have been a great free throw shooter. I can't dribble with my left hand, or really even to to my left at all. I am a decent passer, but sometimes I tend to throw the ball a little hard and wild, leading to a broken nose or two, and I usually see holes that aren't really there and I try and slip it in. I have deceptive speed, though, all in all I am pretty slow. My best move was to start at the top of the key, put my head down, lower my shoulder, pick up my dribble, and go to the basket. It was an affective move if I didn't commit a charge and if I was able to slow down and get under control. So I had that going for me so I think that would have given me a chance.
But I learned last night that one of the top reasons I am not playing in the NBA is because I don't have any tattoos. I have always noticed the tats on NBA players, but watching the game last night it just really stood out to me. I mean, really the only difference between me and Chris "Birdman" Anderson is that he can jump, wears a headband, looks like a tool, and is covered in tats. All of the tats don't bother me, I really don't care, I just noticed it and realized that that was one of the reason I didn't make it to the NBA.
All of this led to me thinking about a match up between an All-Tat Team and an All-Clean Team. I am going limit the players to those that have played in my lifetime and I am considering each guy in their prime (though some haven't reached their prime yet). To be on the All-Tat Team you have to have multiple, vi sable tats. I am going to compare each position match up and declare a winner and then declare the overall winner. Okay, let's give it a try.
Point Guard
All-Tat: Chauncey Billups
All-Clean: Magic
Winner: Magic...Billups is going to be great, but he is no Magic. It wasn't easy to find a tatted up point guard, but Billups could hold his own in a big game.
Shooting Guard
All-Tat: The Black Mamba
All-Clean: Jordan
Winner: Jordan...As much as you all know I would love to give it to Kobe, I just can't
Small Foward
All-Tat: King James
All-Clean: Larry Bird
Winner: LeBron...Could you all imagine Bird with a bunch of tats...funny...anyway, as good as Bird was, LeBron takes this on.
Power Forward
All-Tat: Dennis Rodman
All-Clean: Tim Duncan (he has a tattoo, but it is on his back and you can't see it during games)
Winner: Duncan...He is the best, but boy, I would love to see Rodman go at it again.
Center
All-Tat: Shaq
All-Clean: The Dream
Winner: Shaw...This is a close one, but Shaq in his prime was the best.
Bench
All-Tat: Carmelo, AI, Amare Stoudemire, Deron Williams, Tracy McGrady
All-Clean: Barkley, The Admiral, Stockton, Garnett, D Wade
Winner: All-Clean...Not really even close.
In my examination of these teams I realized that while tattoos are a big part of the NBA, they really aren't any indicator of the type of player you will be. Now I know that these teams look the the 80s versus the 2000s, but even still, the bench on the All-Tat Team isn't great compared to the players that were left of the All-Clean Team that play today. So I have to give the advantage to the All-Clean Team on this one, but it would be a fun game to watch.
I am a six foot, two inch white guy who can't jump. I have a decent, but inconsistent jump shot and never have been a great free throw shooter. I can't dribble with my left hand, or really even to to my left at all. I am a decent passer, but sometimes I tend to throw the ball a little hard and wild, leading to a broken nose or two, and I usually see holes that aren't really there and I try and slip it in. I have deceptive speed, though, all in all I am pretty slow. My best move was to start at the top of the key, put my head down, lower my shoulder, pick up my dribble, and go to the basket. It was an affective move if I didn't commit a charge and if I was able to slow down and get under control. So I had that going for me so I think that would have given me a chance.
But I learned last night that one of the top reasons I am not playing in the NBA is because I don't have any tattoos. I have always noticed the tats on NBA players, but watching the game last night it just really stood out to me. I mean, really the only difference between me and Chris "Birdman" Anderson is that he can jump, wears a headband, looks like a tool, and is covered in tats. All of the tats don't bother me, I really don't care, I just noticed it and realized that that was one of the reason I didn't make it to the NBA.
All of this led to me thinking about a match up between an All-Tat Team and an All-Clean Team. I am going limit the players to those that have played in my lifetime and I am considering each guy in their prime (though some haven't reached their prime yet). To be on the All-Tat Team you have to have multiple, vi sable tats. I am going to compare each position match up and declare a winner and then declare the overall winner. Okay, let's give it a try.
Point Guard
All-Tat: Chauncey Billups
All-Clean: Magic
Winner: Magic...Billups is going to be great, but he is no Magic. It wasn't easy to find a tatted up point guard, but Billups could hold his own in a big game.
Shooting Guard
All-Tat: The Black Mamba
All-Clean: Jordan
Winner: Jordan...As much as you all know I would love to give it to Kobe, I just can't
Small Foward
All-Tat: King James
All-Clean: Larry Bird
Winner: LeBron...Could you all imagine Bird with a bunch of tats...funny...anyway, as good as Bird was, LeBron takes this on.
Power Forward
All-Tat: Dennis Rodman
All-Clean: Tim Duncan (he has a tattoo, but it is on his back and you can't see it during games)
Winner: Duncan...He is the best, but boy, I would love to see Rodman go at it again.
Center
All-Tat: Shaq
All-Clean: The Dream
Winner: Shaw...This is a close one, but Shaq in his prime was the best.
Bench
All-Tat: Carmelo, AI, Amare Stoudemire, Deron Williams, Tracy McGrady
All-Clean: Barkley, The Admiral, Stockton, Garnett, D Wade
Winner: All-Clean...Not really even close.
In my examination of these teams I realized that while tattoos are a big part of the NBA, they really aren't any indicator of the type of player you will be. Now I know that these teams look the the 80s versus the 2000s, but even still, the bench on the All-Tat Team isn't great compared to the players that were left of the All-Clean Team that play today. So I have to give the advantage to the All-Clean Team on this one, but it would be a fun game to watch.
Thursday, May 14, 2009
Seriously
I am sitting here watching the Lakers/Rockets game and the Lakers look like a bunch of sissies. Seriously, give me a Rockets uniform and I could post Pau Gasol up. Anyway, despite the Lakers looking like shit, the worst part of the game is the officials. The NBA is getting completely ridiculous with all of the bullshit fouls and technicals. These guys need to watch a Big East game and watch the college officials do a game and then maybe they could learn how to call a game. The Lakers and Rockets aren't even playing physical and the officials are still calling the game as if it was a church league championship game.
I have complained about this before, but it is getting worse and worse as the playoffs go on. The NBA needs to fix this and they need to fix it during half time of this game and let these guys play. I am sure that they don't have to worry about Gasol or Bynum being too physical, I don't think that there is any chance of that happening.
Tuesday, May 12, 2009
Let Me Clear Things Up
Last night I was reminded of what George Carlin once said, "Now let me ask you this, the two pandas in the zoo, do you care if they fuck, I don't. Why don't they stop telling me on the news the pandas didn't fuck again this year. I'm not concerned, I have no stake in panda fucking, alright. If they want to they will, if they don't they'll watch The Price is Right"
During the day, I sit in a room where the TV is on mute the entire day. The vast majority of the days we have some cable news network on, usually CNN, but every now and then, Fox News. So I don't get to hear the news much, just watch the ticker and read the headlines, but I get the gist. Then when I go home, I proceed to do what, well, watch the news. I don't really know why, I get news updates on my email and read stuff on line, so I keep up pretty well, but I will sit at home and while we are cooking and eating dinner, we watch the news. Anyway, last night was enough for me, I just can't take watching the same stuff over and over again anymore, especially stuff that I really could care less about. It reminded my of a great rant on Scrubs by Dr. Cox, "I have a finite amount of brain space and your inspiring story of the little breast who couldn't just pushed out my memory of the 1980 Olympic Hockey team's victory at Lake Placis. Miracle on Ice...gone!"
So, I decided that for today's post, I would put together two Top Ten Lists. The first list will be the issues that dominate the news that I could really give two shits about, while the second list will be those topics that get very little news coverage, but that I care a great deal about.
Things I Could Care Less About:
10. CEO Bonuses: I care, but seriously, enough is enough. We all know what goes on and there are many more important aspects of business corruption and ethics that need to be talked about.
9. The Fall of the GOP: I really don't care, or believe it. Sure, they need to get their act together, but politics and ideology run in cycles in this county. Eight years ago everyone was talking about the demise of the Democratic Party, and they appear to be doing just fine.
8. Arlen Specter: Look, if one Republican votes with the Democrats or one Democrat votes with the Republicans, then Specter's switch is meaningless. The only winner here is Specter who was getting crushed in the Primary polls and now is beating the same guy handling in the General polls.
7. iReports: Go to Wal Mart or Kroger this afternoon and look to your left and then to you right. Then think about whether you want those people reporting news to you. I bet you know, and I know I don't.
6. Naked Celebrities: Maybe if I was 13 again I would care, but I really don't care about Miss California or Rhianna, so please stop talking about it.
5. Steroids: I have said time and time again, I don't care whether Roger Clemens, Manny Ramirez, Barry Bonds, etc have used steroids. Even if I did, there are more important things for the news to cover, so leave this to ESPN and move on with your life.
4. Swine Flu: I think that someone needs to give the news networks, the CDC and the WHO a copy of the book, "The Boy Who Cried Wolf." As George Carlin said, "...calm down, have some dip."
3. Budget Deficits: This has not actual impact on me and never will (or my kids) so please stop talking about it. This is the greatest scare tactic ever used and it is a bunch of shit. Just focus on jobs, homes, and people.
2. Anything Dick Cheney Says: Oh, how I long for the good ol' days when Cheney would disappear for 18 months at a time. I understand covering a former Vice President, so this is aimed more towards him, but if he says something everyday, the news doesn't need to go into a four hour debate over who is the head of the Republican Party.
1. What people think: I want news. I don't care what O'Reily, Olbermann, or Hannity think. I can form my own opinions and go on a rant about them, so I don't need them to fill in that gap for me. Report the news and shut these people up.
Things I Care About
10. Torture: I really care about this, but it gets covered some, so that is why it is number ten. My problem with the coverage is that it is all about who is to blame, not about what we need to do to prevent this from happening and how torture doesn't work.
9. Summer TV Lineup: Now we are talking about important stuff. "So You Think You Can Dance" is starting back up, as is "Burn Notice," so I need information about when to set my DVR.
8. Human Rights: This story has pretty much gone away, but I am beating that the violations have not. This story pears perfectly with the torture story, so lets get back to discussing all the injustices in the world.
7. Homelessness: With the economy the way that it is, our homeless population is growing at a ridiculous rate, especially among children. The problem will never be solved, or even helped, until we start talking about it.
6. Consumer Confidence: The Stock Market and housing numbers are great, but the one that I really care about is consumer confidence. This is the number that is essential to the growth in our economy and us fully coming out of the recession, so let's pay a little more attention please.
5. Lakers/Cavs NBA Finals: Everyone says that it is time for Kobe to pass the torch to LeBorn. Not so fast big fella, and a beat down by the Lakers in the Finals will prove it.
4. Innocent Killings: It is becoming a major problem in the Middle East and other war areas. Civilians shouldn't and probably aren't targets but we should do everything we can to make sure they don't get hurt in this mess. It is not something that anyone likes to talk about or hear about, but it is important.
3. Arctic Riches: You want to learn about the next great war that may occur among the world superpowers, you need to read about the fight for over the Arctic. There is oil, water, natural gas, and other needed resources that have been untapped there and world powers are lining up to stake their claim. This could mean trouble.
2. Africa: The greatest injustices in the world occur in those countries over there, so we need to be talking about it here. I know it isn't a fun and wonderful thing to discuss, but we need to understand their situation, because once again, nothing can be done until we start the conversation.
1. Pakistan: If the world is going to end anytime soon, this is where it will start. There is a serious problem (or two) brewing over there and we need to pay attention. This is not one that we can ignore, though the media is doing a fine job of it. As you all know, I will listen to anything Fareed Zakaria tells me to, and he is dead serious about this one.
During the day, I sit in a room where the TV is on mute the entire day. The vast majority of the days we have some cable news network on, usually CNN, but every now and then, Fox News. So I don't get to hear the news much, just watch the ticker and read the headlines, but I get the gist. Then when I go home, I proceed to do what, well, watch the news. I don't really know why, I get news updates on my email and read stuff on line, so I keep up pretty well, but I will sit at home and while we are cooking and eating dinner, we watch the news. Anyway, last night was enough for me, I just can't take watching the same stuff over and over again anymore, especially stuff that I really could care less about. It reminded my of a great rant on Scrubs by Dr. Cox, "I have a finite amount of brain space and your inspiring story of the little breast who couldn't just pushed out my memory of the 1980 Olympic Hockey team's victory at Lake Placis. Miracle on Ice...gone!"
So, I decided that for today's post, I would put together two Top Ten Lists. The first list will be the issues that dominate the news that I could really give two shits about, while the second list will be those topics that get very little news coverage, but that I care a great deal about.
Things I Could Care Less About:
10. CEO Bonuses: I care, but seriously, enough is enough. We all know what goes on and there are many more important aspects of business corruption and ethics that need to be talked about.
9. The Fall of the GOP: I really don't care, or believe it. Sure, they need to get their act together, but politics and ideology run in cycles in this county. Eight years ago everyone was talking about the demise of the Democratic Party, and they appear to be doing just fine.
8. Arlen Specter: Look, if one Republican votes with the Democrats or one Democrat votes with the Republicans, then Specter's switch is meaningless. The only winner here is Specter who was getting crushed in the Primary polls and now is beating the same guy handling in the General polls.
7. iReports: Go to Wal Mart or Kroger this afternoon and look to your left and then to you right. Then think about whether you want those people reporting news to you. I bet you know, and I know I don't.
6. Naked Celebrities: Maybe if I was 13 again I would care, but I really don't care about Miss California or Rhianna, so please stop talking about it.
5. Steroids: I have said time and time again, I don't care whether Roger Clemens, Manny Ramirez, Barry Bonds, etc have used steroids. Even if I did, there are more important things for the news to cover, so leave this to ESPN and move on with your life.
4. Swine Flu: I think that someone needs to give the news networks, the CDC and the WHO a copy of the book, "The Boy Who Cried Wolf." As George Carlin said, "...calm down, have some dip."
3. Budget Deficits: This has not actual impact on me and never will (or my kids) so please stop talking about it. This is the greatest scare tactic ever used and it is a bunch of shit. Just focus on jobs, homes, and people.
2. Anything Dick Cheney Says: Oh, how I long for the good ol' days when Cheney would disappear for 18 months at a time. I understand covering a former Vice President, so this is aimed more towards him, but if he says something everyday, the news doesn't need to go into a four hour debate over who is the head of the Republican Party.
1. What people think: I want news. I don't care what O'Reily, Olbermann, or Hannity think. I can form my own opinions and go on a rant about them, so I don't need them to fill in that gap for me. Report the news and shut these people up.
Things I Care About
10. Torture: I really care about this, but it gets covered some, so that is why it is number ten. My problem with the coverage is that it is all about who is to blame, not about what we need to do to prevent this from happening and how torture doesn't work.
9. Summer TV Lineup: Now we are talking about important stuff. "So You Think You Can Dance" is starting back up, as is "Burn Notice," so I need information about when to set my DVR.
8. Human Rights: This story has pretty much gone away, but I am beating that the violations have not. This story pears perfectly with the torture story, so lets get back to discussing all the injustices in the world.
7. Homelessness: With the economy the way that it is, our homeless population is growing at a ridiculous rate, especially among children. The problem will never be solved, or even helped, until we start talking about it.
6. Consumer Confidence: The Stock Market and housing numbers are great, but the one that I really care about is consumer confidence. This is the number that is essential to the growth in our economy and us fully coming out of the recession, so let's pay a little more attention please.
5. Lakers/Cavs NBA Finals: Everyone says that it is time for Kobe to pass the torch to LeBorn. Not so fast big fella, and a beat down by the Lakers in the Finals will prove it.
4. Innocent Killings: It is becoming a major problem in the Middle East and other war areas. Civilians shouldn't and probably aren't targets but we should do everything we can to make sure they don't get hurt in this mess. It is not something that anyone likes to talk about or hear about, but it is important.
3. Arctic Riches: You want to learn about the next great war that may occur among the world superpowers, you need to read about the fight for over the Arctic. There is oil, water, natural gas, and other needed resources that have been untapped there and world powers are lining up to stake their claim. This could mean trouble.
2. Africa: The greatest injustices in the world occur in those countries over there, so we need to be talking about it here. I know it isn't a fun and wonderful thing to discuss, but we need to understand their situation, because once again, nothing can be done until we start the conversation.
1. Pakistan: If the world is going to end anytime soon, this is where it will start. There is a serious problem (or two) brewing over there and we need to pay attention. This is not one that we can ignore, though the media is doing a fine job of it. As you all know, I will listen to anything Fareed Zakaria tells me to, and he is dead serious about this one.
Friday, May 8, 2009
$20 Million Ain't What It Used to Be...
For those of you who don't live in West Virginia or don't follow the news much, yesterday local West Virginia businessman Jim Justice bought The Greenbrier Resort for $20.1 million, yes just $20.1 million. Are you kidding me, that would even get you a top of the rotation pitcher or a solid shooting guard. Oh who the mighty have fallen. It was reported that the Marriott was going to take over The Greenbrier for $130 million, with some considerations, but still.
So The Greenbrier, one of the east coast's largest and most luxurious resort, sold for $20 million while it cost New Yankee Stadium cost right around $200 million to build. Give all the credit in the world to Mr. Justice, who not only just bought the Greenbrier for just $20 million, but also for making the Greenbrier West Virginia owned. It is nice that we have a local owner for the resort, which has had it share of hard times recently. Maybe he brings in some big name to run the hotel and resort, but it is still West Virginia owned and that is really important.
So The Greenbrier, one of the east coast's largest and most luxurious resort, sold for $20 million while it cost New Yankee Stadium cost right around $200 million to build. Give all the credit in the world to Mr. Justice, who not only just bought the Greenbrier for just $20 million, but also for making the Greenbrier West Virginia owned. It is nice that we have a local owner for the resort, which has had it share of hard times recently. Maybe he brings in some big name to run the hotel and resort, but it is still West Virginia owned and that is really important.
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