Sports Fan Manifesto

Pop Quiz:

You are a fan of an obscure tennis player who doesn't win all that often. He rarely makes it to national television, so you are forced to pay to watch his matches online. All of the sudden, he makes a run in a Grand Slam and after watching three matches online, he finally makes it to national television. What do you do? Do you...

A. Of course you watch him on the big screen, he is never on television
B. Stick with the computer because he has won while you were watching him on the computer
C. It doesn't matter, so I will decide what to do based on where I am.

If you answered A or C, unless you are a Cowboys, Phillies, Celtics, or Pitt fan, you need to keep reading. The answer is clearly B and if you don't know that, then I would have to question how much you really care about your favorite teams.

Let's get this out of the way early. What you do does matter as a sports fan. You are not just somebody watching a sporting event, your actions affect your team. I write this post because it is getting to be tournament time and we need to go over a few rules. These aren't rules that you can take some and leave some, they are serious. Here we go:

1. Don't Move
During the 2005 NCAA, West Virginia made a great, unbelievable run, some of which I must take credit for. During the Wake Forest game we weren't playing all that well early, so of course I shifted positions to change the course of the game (which is the only time during a game you are allowed to move). The game did change, which was great, but I was in a pickle. For the last hour or so of the game, I couldn't reach my drink or the food that I had made because my new position didn't allow me too. Did I move? Hell no. What would have happened if I moved? I wasn't about to find out. During the 2000 World Series between the Mets and the Yankees, we were having a big party at my frat house. One of my frat brothers made the mistake of coming upstairs to watch the game with me. He had been drinking, but the Mets were playing well. At one point, he tried to get up to go to the bathroom and he was not allowed. To his credit, he sat their quietly having to pee, but he understood that he couldn't move. The Mets went on to lose in extra innings, but it wasn't our fault. A final, more hurtful example, occurred during the 1999 NLCS. The Mets were playing the Braves in Game 6 and it was a tense game. The Mets were up by one entering the bottom of the 10th and the guy I was watching the game with decided to get up and leave despite my displeasure. The Braves tied the game in the bottom of the 10th and Kenny Rodgers went on to walk in the winning run in the 11th (which I still haven't forgiven him for). I didn't talk to my friend for a week. He cost the Mets a trip to the World Series.

2. Don't change anything
In 1993, WVU was going for a perfect season. During the last game, West Virginia was playing Boston College and was trailing 14-3 with about 7 minutes left. WVU made it 14-9 with under siz to play. I am watching the game in my basement with my dad and my mom wasn't home. WVU forced a fumble and gets the ball back with only a couple of minutes to play. We hear the garage door open because my mom was home. WVU started driving and my mom tried to walk into the room. She is promptly denied entrance into the room. We would not allow her anywhere close enough to see the tv and asked her to wait in the outside room. Ed Hill went on to make on the greatest catches in WVU history and we won. My mom was then allowed to enter the room. Though she was not very happy, she made it possible for WVU to finish their perfect season. If you haven't been calling your friends during the game and your team makes a run, don't pick up the phone and try to call. If they are a true fan they won't answer anyway, but just don't even attempt to mess things up. If you live with someone else, don't say 'hey come watch this' because it just screws things up. If your wife/husband wants to come in and watch the end of the game with you, suck it up and tell them no. A victory is worth all of the trouble you will face later, trust me.

3. Never, ever, say it's over
We have all been there. You are tense during the game and then your team does something to "put the nail in the coffin" and you begin to relax. All of the sudden, your team loses. Think back, did you say "yes, this one is over." Maybe you didn't say it, but you probably thought it. Don't ever do that. I was sitting in the stands in 1996 when WVU was upsetting Miami and the game was over and everyone knew it. The celebration was starting. All WVU had to do was to punt the ball away, make a tackle, and the game was over. Not so easy. Miami blocks the punt, picks it up, laterals it, scores, and WVU loses. It isn't a myth. The sports' gods are sitting up on the mountain waiting, just waiting, for someone to say it is over. Here's a tip. If you are watching the game with someone who says it is over, simply ask them to go outside, turn around three times, spit and curse. That may satisfy the sports' gods and hopefully undo the damage that they have caused.

4. Your lucky shirt/outfit/chair/drink/food is really lucky
You know, all of these rules go hand in hand, which is why I said earlier that you can't pick and choose which rules you will follow. Wearing your lucky shirt or outfit goes together with not moving and not changing anything. A good example of this was when we learned last night that Bob Huggins was wearing the same suit he wore the night before and WVU won again. So, I wore the same outfit to work today that I wore yesterday. I will go home and put on the same outfit tonight that I wore last night. It is the very, very least that we can do for our team. I say this a lot when I talk about what a fan should do, but do I know what would happen if I didn't wear the same outfit, no, and I am not going to find out and you better not either. If your team wins when you eat hot dogs, then damn it, keep eating those hot dogs.

5. Be consistent
This is the most important rule to follow. Simply put, do what you always do. If your team is successful when you watch the game in your kitchen, then watch the games in your kitchen. Don't get caught up in the big game experience. If you watch the games alone, when a big game comes up, don't be stupid and go to the party, stay at home with your dog and do what you always do. It isn't hard. Too many times people get caught up in the moment and decide to break out of their habit and it costs their team. I don't do well when I actually go to the game, so I stay away. In 2007, WVU lost two football games, to Pitt and South Florida. Those two games were the only two games that yours truly went to. It isn't a coincidence, it is fact. Even when I was going to grad school in Morgantown, I didn't go to football games because I don't do well there. The game would be going on two blocks from my place, and I would be sitting in my chair watching the games on tv. That is how it works best.

Some of you may think that these rules are ridiculous. I don't care what you think, just follow them. The bottom line here folks is that you don't tempt fate. Because she will reach up and bite you square in the ass if you do.