Last night I was reminded of what George Carlin once said, "Now let me ask you this, the two pandas in the zoo, do you care if they fuck, I don't. Why don't they stop telling me on the news the pandas didn't fuck again this year. I'm not concerned, I have no stake in panda fucking, alright. If they want to they will, if they don't they'll watch The Price is Right"
During the day, I sit in a room where the TV is on mute the entire day. The vast majority of the days we have some cable news network on, usually CNN, but every now and then, Fox News. So I don't get to hear the news much, just watch the ticker and read the headlines, but I get the gist. Then when I go home, I proceed to do what, well, watch the news. I don't really know why, I get news updates on my email and read stuff on line, so I keep up pretty well, but I will sit at home and while we are cooking and eating dinner, we watch the news. Anyway, last night was enough for me, I just can't take watching the same stuff over and over again anymore, especially stuff that I really could care less about. It reminded my of a great rant on Scrubs by Dr. Cox, "I have a finite amount of brain space and your inspiring story of the little breast who couldn't just pushed out my memory of the 1980 Olympic Hockey team's victory at Lake Placis. Miracle on Ice...gone!"
So, I decided that for today's post, I would put together two Top Ten Lists. The first list will be the issues that dominate the news that I could really give two shits about, while the second list will be those topics that get very little news coverage, but that I care a great deal about.
Things I Could Care Less About:
10. CEO Bonuses: I care, but seriously, enough is enough. We all know what goes on and there are many more important aspects of business corruption and ethics that need to be talked about.
9. The Fall of the GOP: I really don't care, or believe it. Sure, they need to get their act together, but politics and ideology run in cycles in this county. Eight years ago everyone was talking about the demise of the Democratic Party, and they appear to be doing just fine.
8. Arlen Specter: Look, if one Republican votes with the Democrats or one Democrat votes with the Republicans, then Specter's switch is meaningless. The only winner here is Specter who was getting crushed in the Primary polls and now is beating the same guy handling in the General polls.
7. iReports: Go to Wal Mart or Kroger this afternoon and look to your left and then to you right. Then think about whether you want those people reporting news to you. I bet you know, and I know I don't.
6. Naked Celebrities: Maybe if I was 13 again I would care, but I really don't care about Miss California or Rhianna, so please stop talking about it.
5. Steroids: I have said time and time again, I don't care whether Roger Clemens, Manny Ramirez, Barry Bonds, etc have used steroids. Even if I did, there are more important things for the news to cover, so leave this to ESPN and move on with your life.
4. Swine Flu: I think that someone needs to give the news networks, the CDC and the WHO a copy of the book, "The Boy Who Cried Wolf." As George Carlin said, "...calm down, have some dip."
3. Budget Deficits: This has not actual impact on me and never will (or my kids) so please stop talking about it. This is the greatest scare tactic ever used and it is a bunch of shit. Just focus on jobs, homes, and people.
2. Anything Dick Cheney Says: Oh, how I long for the good ol' days when Cheney would disappear for 18 months at a time. I understand covering a former Vice President, so this is aimed more towards him, but if he says something everyday, the news doesn't need to go into a four hour debate over who is the head of the Republican Party.
1. What people think: I want news. I don't care what O'Reily, Olbermann, or Hannity think. I can form my own opinions and go on a rant about them, so I don't need them to fill in that gap for me. Report the news and shut these people up.
Things I Care About
10. Torture: I really care about this, but it gets covered some, so that is why it is number ten. My problem with the coverage is that it is all about who is to blame, not about what we need to do to prevent this from happening and how torture doesn't work.
9. Summer TV Lineup: Now we are talking about important stuff. "So You Think You Can Dance" is starting back up, as is "Burn Notice," so I need information about when to set my DVR.
8. Human Rights: This story has pretty much gone away, but I am beating that the violations have not. This story pears perfectly with the torture story, so lets get back to discussing all the injustices in the world.
7. Homelessness: With the economy the way that it is, our homeless population is growing at a ridiculous rate, especially among children. The problem will never be solved, or even helped, until we start talking about it.
6. Consumer Confidence: The Stock Market and housing numbers are great, but the one that I really care about is consumer confidence. This is the number that is essential to the growth in our economy and us fully coming out of the recession, so let's pay a little more attention please.
5. Lakers/Cavs NBA Finals: Everyone says that it is time for Kobe to pass the torch to LeBorn. Not so fast big fella, and a beat down by the Lakers in the Finals will prove it.
4. Innocent Killings: It is becoming a major problem in the Middle East and other war areas. Civilians shouldn't and probably aren't targets but we should do everything we can to make sure they don't get hurt in this mess. It is not something that anyone likes to talk about or hear about, but it is important.
3. Arctic Riches: You want to learn about the next great war that may occur among the world superpowers, you need to read about the fight for over the Arctic. There is oil, water, natural gas, and other needed resources that have been untapped there and world powers are lining up to stake their claim. This could mean trouble.
2. Africa: The greatest injustices in the world occur in those countries over there, so we need to be talking about it here. I know it isn't a fun and wonderful thing to discuss, but we need to understand their situation, because once again, nothing can be done until we start the conversation.
1. Pakistan: If the world is going to end anytime soon, this is where it will start. There is a serious problem (or two) brewing over there and we need to pay attention. This is not one that we can ignore, though the media is doing a fine job of it. As you all know, I will listen to anything Fareed Zakaria tells me to, and he is dead serious about this one.
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I'm a little behind on my comments, but I feel the need to make a few today...
ReplyDeleteFareed Zakaria - This guy might as well have his own show on Comedy Central. He's on either the Daily Show or the Colbert Report every week. How many books can he write in a year? And a bigger question: Should you really get a second appearance to pimp the paperback version of a book you already pimped?
Arctic Riches - Am I the only one that finds the irony in the fact that we used oil to melt the Arctic so that we can fight over who gets the Arctic oil?
The Greatest of All Time - I know that Laker fans like to talk about Kobe "passing the torch" to LeBron. There is just one problem here...Kobe isn't holding the torch. It's still on the wall at Jordan's house, and the King is on his way over to get it. Kobe will go down in basketball history as a time killer between when Jordan played and when King James played. Kobe doesn't even belong in the conversation. He can't win a championship without Diesel...and when they did win, Shaq was always the Finals MVP. That smacks of Scotty Pippen-ness to me. I'll give you this...Kobe makes a great sidekick. But the L-Train is in an entirely different class, and he isn't messing around this year...they might seriously not lose a game. More likely, though, is that we won't get to see thid match up because the Lakers can't beat the Nuggets.
First off, you leave Fareed alone. I also listen to everything John Stewart says, so it doesn't matter who Fareed works for. Seriously though, the man is the only person on tv who actually can actually get a real interview with any person of significance and actually asks the right questons
ReplyDeleteSecondly, I agree about the artic, but how else would we help create a global crisis. And how else would we be able to increase our supply of oil. Seems like everything makes sense.
Finally, lets not forget that L-Boogie plays in the Junior Varsity (I mean Eastern Conference) so lets all not get too excited just yet. Your argument makes very little sense because all LeBorn has to do it look down at his fingers and count the rings and Kobe will do the same and lets see who comes out on top.